Some of you that have been reading for awhile may be aware of my struggles with my Muse, and how I fight to create my art. It really isn't much of a struggle, I usually don't put up much of a fight. I have been trying for some time to make this blog resource for other people to share in my passion. I posted a few tutorials, and then I let my life take me away. I get caught up in the desire to do it right or just do nothing. My desire is to create the perfect piece, and when I fall short of my goals I am disappointed in myself and I have that much more to overcome on my next project.
I usually perform my greatest work when I have a deadline that doesn't allow me to stop and think about what I am about to do. I can override the little voice in the back of my head that tries to convince me to do the known because if I try something new, I might do it wrong and that would be the END OF THE WORLD! I want to squish that little voice under my heel and make magic happen, but fighting it day to day is such a heavy burden that I fall back to the fallacy of doing nothing is better than doing something wrong.
I find excuses to explain why I am justified in not taking the next step.
I have kids.
I have no money.
I am too tired.
I hate sewing for my body.
It is time to stop making excuses.
I am a skilled artisan.
I am not limited by my fears.
I am surrounded by amazing and creative people that find me worthy.
I am not less because someone else is more.
I am not defined by failure.
I am creative.
I am an incredible artist.
This is hard for me to put out to the public. theses are the struggles that I keep to myself because I am afraid that if I open myself to the possibility of ridicule that it will somehow make me less, but I am not limited by others perception of me. I am not expecting to become a new person overnight, but I am ready to stop fearing myself, to stop fearing that I might not be good at what I am doing. It is okay to fail, it is not okay to give up.
I know that I am not the only person with these thoughts. There are
others out there that are having the same problems. If you find this
blog, you are welcome here. You are not alone.
There is a proverb "When the student is read the Master appears". I believe also that when your heart is open the message is heard. Elizabeth Gilbert gave a lecture at TED, and it resonated within me. This is the message that found me:
Don’t be afraid. Don’t be daunted. Just do your job. Continue to show up
for your piece of it, whatever that might be. If your job is to dance,
do your dance. If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case
decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed, for just one moment
through your efforts, then “Ole!” And if not, do your dance anyhow. And
“Ole!” to you, nonetheless. I believe this and I feel that we must teach
it. “Ole!” to you, nonetheless, just for having the sheer human love
and stubbornness to keep showing up. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Do yourself a favor and watch the whole thing.
Creativity can get lost in the raising of children, family and life. I am just starting to find time here and there to "get creative" and get back in to things. Like you, SCA has been my creative outlet. It's fun and interesting. I love being able to choose family members! It's hard to find time with life going on! Go get creative girl! I miss you ;)
You're doing fine. Look at the challenges you've already overcome! (And you do need to come up for a weekend to play the House of Pain!)
Your honest, heartfelt comments apply to me as well. Art is exposing your skills, emotions, thoughts to a potentially hostile audience. Chin up and keep dreaming and doing. You make me proud and humble at the same time.
elyHi sara, Your mom turned me on to your blog. She has been a muse and a long time invaluable friend. You do her proud. I'm enjoying you writings and hearing and seeing your projects. Feel free to follow my blog. Wish i had your skill at setting it up. Good luck, annie darland (andy hank)
Darby without you I don't know if I would have found the SCA (Probably), and you were the first person to teach me about gores. It is funny how life can circle back.
Liutgard, thank you for being my guide in this journey. Having you there to inspect my seams means a lot to me.
Megan, thank you. I have always looked up to you and your words are treasured.
Ann! I have missed you so much. I still wear some of your work, and even though it has been 20 years you are still a inspiration to me.
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